How should I respond to a loved one who has just come out as a homosexual?

During this holiday season some Christian’s gathering with friends and family will be faced with the challenge of responding to a loved one who has recently come out as a homosexual. Responding wisely to this heart breaking news presents a lot of challenges for the concerned Christian who wants to help homosexual loved ones.

The Christian cannot approve of this sin, yet it is not always appropriate for you to tell them of your disapproval. Use wisdom and discernment to decide if you should speak to the person about their homosexuality. The deciding factor must not be that you have a strong desire to say something to them. Do not speak just because you want to get something off your chest. Speak if you are in a position where you are responsible to correct them or if they seek your input.

Be aware that any response you give short of applause and full affirmation will possibly be seen as unkind, hurtful or toxic. Be ready to show your love for the person though they do not respond well to your words. Be prepared for the possibility that they or another family member will explode in anger.

For many, homosexuality is not a sexual attraction, it is an identity. Often rebuke of the sin of homosexuality is viewed as a personal attack. Do not be afraid to express your love or to confront their sin, but do not expect them to understand that you can still love them without loving their sin.

Do not let the possibility of a negative reaction stop you from speaking truth at an appropriate time. However, a rebuke of homosexuality is not the first thing that needs to be said. Nor is a lecture in front of the entire family the best option. Seek a good time when you can speak personally to that individual so you can gently share Biblical truth with them.

Because the goal is to communicate God’s truth, prepare ahead of time. Study what the Bible says about personhood and sexuality. Don’t look for “gotcha” verses that will prove homosexuality is a sin. Look to develop a solid understanding of all the Bible’s teachings about sex and sexuality. Seek to think like the Bible so you can present from Scripture a Biblical worldview of humanity and homosexuality that will give a foundation from which the person can begin to turn from their sin.

Be honest. Speak the truth directly and lovingly. Do not attack the person, but address their actions. Do not call them names, belittle them or berate them. “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29) Be careful to always speak in a way that edifies and reflects the grace of God. Do not make remarks about them or pointed statements calculated for them to overhear. Reject passive aggressivism and any attempt to manipulate the person. Be forthright, honest and kind. No matter how they may respond, always respond with gentleness. Remember that “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1) and “The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20)

Remember, you cannot change the person and changing them is not your job. Don’t try to do it. Speak truth to them in love, with boldness and forthrightness. If you are going to confront their sin, be prepared to help them through the long and difficult process of growing in obedience.

Often the one who declares themselves a homosexual has been dealing with these deep seated desires for a long time. They have given the matter a lot of thought and have struggled with telling their friends and family. Don’t expect all of that to be set aside because of a five minute conversation with you. Give them time to change. In the meantime, pray earnestly for their repentance and show your love to them in as many ways as you can.